The gusher in the gulf has been stopped, but it doesn’t feel like it around here…or on the beaches of the gulf coast. People are avoiding our seafood and refusing to swim in the surf, and I understand. I’m not eating seafood either…even though I love it. Actually, I’m lucky in a way because I’m allergic to shrimp…and calamari, but I can devour crabs and oysters in complete safety.
Think about it for a second. What I can eat are BOTTOM DWELLERS…living way down there where all the oil is settling. Louisiana oysters are particularly wonderful, but they’re filter-feeders, immobile, unable to escape. They stay alive by taking in stuff floating by, including microscopic oil droplets and whatever toxic chemicals were in all those tons of dispersant they used when they bombed the gulf. It was bad enough when we had to worry about viruses, but this…this is an abomination.
Oysters live down there with crabs, luscious, fat, delicious blue-point crabs. They’re scurrying around in the muck right now, but at least in their case, it isn’t theoretical any more. Crab larvae have already been shown to be attached to microscopic oil droplets. True, they’re little bitty droplets, but we have no idea what harm they might cause, even in those tiny amounts…not to mention stuff you can’t see, potentially dangerous stuff like those chemicals.
A few years back, there was a lot of concern about toxic bacteria and viruses in the oyster population. One guy, a really prominent, media-savvy guy, decided to PROVE oysters were safe to eat, and he ate several dozen, raw on the half shell. He died about a week later. The ever-spinning media machine kept saying there were other reasons for it, but we knew. Those oysters had killed him.
Nobody ate raw oysters for a long time after that. I still don’t…well, that isn’t completely true. About a year ago, my lady and I were at a seafood restaurant, and at the table next to us diners were noisily enjoying platters of raw oysters. You gotta understand…I LOVE raw oysters…with a little hot sauce, horseradish, and a drop or two of ketchup. I ate a dozen.
They were wonderful, just like the oysters I enjoyed out in the gulf when I was a boy, sweet, salty, and delicious…eaten with bland crackers not to blunt their taste. That meal awakened long dormant memories for me, and the next week when my lady suggested we dine out again, I knew where I wanted to go…back to those raw oysters. When the waitress came, I ordered them, but she answered, “I’m sorry. We can’t serve them any more. Last week, they made a lot of people sick.”
Last week? LAST WEEK? I was THERE last week…and ate raw oysters! Great God, I had dodged a bullet I didn’t even know was looking for me! Since then, I’ve only eaten cooked oysters…and I even worry about those a little. Things are changing so fast, it’s hard to keep up, and I sure as hell don’t blame the rest of the country for not sharing our pain.  They don’t really understand.
Oysters and crabs remain fairly localized, but fish and shrimp go all over the place. They can be swimming through oil one day and in clear, unpolluted water the next. The only way to be completely sure they’re uncontaminated is to test each and every one…and there are millions of them. It’s impossible. The only way around it is to say that the oil is all gone, and that’s why there’s such a big argument between academics and politicians. Professors tell us there’s a lot of oil still in the gulf, as much as seventy-five percent, but our elected officials tell us it’s all gone…magically, like a miracle. I know, I know…miracles happen, but in this case, I don’t really think so.
It’s interesting, even kind of amusing in a macabre sort of way, to watch government people on TV assure us everything’s SAFE. Really? What crystal ball did they get that from? That guy who ate those raw oysters thought so, too, but we’ve learned to be a bit more cautious. You can’t believe everything you hear…especially from government people. I mean, what does a death or two mean to them? It’s collateral damage while they’re trying to kick-start an economy, but while I appreciate it, I wonder about their judgment.
Maybe there’s no judgment involved. Maybe it’s all SPIN, and that’s the painful crux of it all. WHO’S TELLING THE TRUTH? To me it seems like it’s nobody, and I think a lot of people are beginning to feel the same. We aren’t blaming you, guys; we just want an honest answer, but we’re beginning to understand we won’t get anything even close from carefully parsed, precisely worded statements…mostly designed to protect you in your next elections.
Truth is a funny thing…IT’S REAL. You can lie if you like, but if you buck truth, it will come back and bite you in the ass…like I said, it’s unusual. That’s something I don’t think politicians will ever learn…but the rest of us live by it. You guys in Washington and Baton Rouge may spin it, distort it, even try to dispel it, but if you only said it like it is, we’d respect you. You might lose an election now and then, but we’d RESPECT you!
Respect? What the hell am I thinking? They don’t want respect…they want POWER. We’re screwed.

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